Things are not as bad as you think.

What a night ?

So having a deep honest conversation with your crush about your feelings isn’t a good thing when you know you’ll be rejected.

But what if, you don’t have a clue and that honest conversation brings you both together ? unexpected but butterflies isn’t it ?

Any of the consequences could happen. But Alhamdulillah. Positive feedback and it’s not as bad as I think. Especially when you’re not the first one who makes a move. Kan?

But, it’s better to be off this way. Like what we’re used to. Keep on stay away, keep distance so that when I say I love you, he’ll not listening. (It’s just a song.)

Continued from the previous one. Someone who so closed to me then later both are keeping distance because we’re both know this is not gonna works.

And that’s it!
I’m done for something I never start before.
Yeah, I’m pretty good on that. Always.

P/S : I’ve learnt that we don’t need cliché statement to make sure we didn’t hurts anybody by our words.

Another P/S : Karma for what I’m doing at N. sebijik woi.

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Choosy and fussy isn’t me.

I’m having my iftar today at my auntie’s house. A mini gathering sebab one of her son nak fly to US esok further study for two years. So, the last time I met my aunt is about 6 month back I guess? Or maybe less Ke tak pasti. But as I remember, during he daughter wedding sebab I am the bridesmaid. So as I expected the question she gonna asked

“Aisyah dah habis belajar?” – Mak
“Dah. Baru sebulan habis final.” – Me
“Bila nak kahwin.” – Mak
“Mak tolong cari kan calon boleh?” – Me

I called her Mak. Sebab when I was kid mama sent me to her house to baby-sitting.

I’m about to telan my satay yang penuh dalam mulut at the time she ask me that question. Nasib tak tercekik or tersembur or something. Ikut hati nak je cakap “malas fikir. Tawar hati dah.”

Then Along tanya “eh yang dulu tu mana?” It’s a bit surprise macam mana Along tahu yang aku pernah ada boyfriend. Did they stalking me ke apa ? Tapi, bersahaja aku jawab “dah buang. Sebab tak guna.”

Well, officially being single for more than half year and it isn’t that bad. Bila orang tanya “sekarang dengan siapa?” I said “no one. Takde orang nak” then friends gonna said “kau tu memilih sangat. Bukan nya takde orang nak.”

But the fact is memang takde orang nak pun. Aku rasa. I don’t know. Mana ada memilih.

I know myself. I’m not that kind of person yang choosy or fussy. Buktinya, I’ve been dated a guy who is shorter than me which is definitely out from my “ideal man” criteria for two years!

So, the friends are afraid to match me with someone just because they thought I’m to fussy in choosing a guy to be dated. I’m actually not. It just that what I’m looking in someone is a person who I’m comfortable with, who has a criteria that I can be myself, the character yang boleh ngam with mine. I believe when you both have good chemistry, you guys will be just good isn’t it ? Because both of you don’t have to pretend to be someone else just to fit in.

Well, maybe that’s what people see me. Choosy and fussy. Nak yang class or handsome segala. Sebab tu kot orang ramai takut nak dekat ? Or sebenarnya memang takde orang nak dekat pun. Haha dah ade yang dekat pun but then……….

Okay. We continue later 🙂

Xoxo.
Matahari.

There’s something that missing, makes my life incomplete.

I guess this gonna be my life diary starts from now. Because there’s a lot of things that keep playing in mind which makes me upset and depressing. It’s actually nothing just that I am too much thinking.

Things doesn’t went well lately. Much screwed. This and that didn’t goes as what I hope, what I pray. I don’t know where is my wrong or what is actually wrong. Is it myself or something ?

I thank to Allah as I am much more happier than before. But most of the time, the lonely is still there. I am grateful to have my family and friends around. But sometimes, I feel like needing someone. Someone that so special besides the family. Someone who will cheer me up, take me out hunting foods, hold my hands while watching movie, who will call me to say good night and someone who I will text every morning to say “morning handsome.” Yeah, someone. That someone.

I don’t know. I’m in confused. I am happy with what I have now. With lovely people around me. But still I feel there’s one more missing. Which makes me feel incomplete. I am not sure what is it.

How I wish life could be just great. Great as what I am dream for. As what I expect. As what I want it to be. I wish.

Xoxo.
Matahari.